Evils of Pickle Eating-101

ProfJameson Statistics 3 Comments

Pickles are associated with all the major diseases of the body. Eating them breeds war and Communism. They can be related to most airline tragedies. Auto accidents are caused by pickles. There exists a positive relationship between crime waves and consumption of this fruit of the cucurbit family. For example …

Nearly all sick people have eaten pickles. The effects are obviously cumulative.

  • 99.9% of all people who die from cancer have eaten pickles.
  • 100% of all soldiers have eaten pickles.
  • 96.8% of all Communist sympathizers have eaten pickles
  • 99.7% of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate pickles within 14 days preceding the accident.
  • 93.1% of juvenile delinquents come from homes where pickles are served frequently.

Evidence points to the long term effects of pickle eating.
Of the people born in 1839 who later dined on pickles, there has been a 100% mortality.

  • All pickle eaters born between 1849 and 1859 have wrinkled skin, have lost most of their teeth, have brittle bones and failing eyesight if the ills of pickle eating have not already caused their death.
  • Even more convincing is the report of a noted team of medical specialists: rats force fed with 20 pounds of pickles per day for 30 days developed bulging abdomens. Their appetites for WHOLESOME FOOD were destroyed.

In spite of all the evidence, pickle growers and packers continue to spread their evil. More than 120,000 acres of fertile U.S. soil are devoted to growing pickles. Our per capita consumption is nearly four pounds.
Eat orchid petal soup. Practically no one has as many problems from eating orchid petal soup as they do with eating pickles.

SOURCE: “Evils of Pickle Eating,” by Everett D. Edington, originally printed in Cyanograms.

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